Monday, March 4, 2013

Shocking Secret Revealed: Sequestration Is Starving the Bunnies!!!

Phillip Feeling a Bit Thinner

Betsy (Head Down) Avoiding Comment
 The government stalemate which has created automatic spending cuts has greatly hurt the Mar Vista rabbits, most importantly the four belonging to Mister John and Miss Jill.  According to the new cuts, all expenditures have been sliced by 10%.  This means that across-the-board munching by the bunnies is now down more than it was previously.  According to media representatives of Phillip, his water and food has declined greatly over the last few weeks.  He also says this directly relates to having Ruby Jane forced into his cage.  While he does welcome the warm comfort of the "Brown Bear" in his cage, he does state the food in the bowl is less than it used to be.

Spokespeople from Mister John and Miss Jill vehemently deny these accusations that less food has been going to the rabbits.  "There are almost no oranges left on the tree," said Mister John last Sunday from his luxurious couch in the living room.  "They've eaten almost all of them."  However, the spokesperson for Phillip also added that Miss Jill thought he was "too plump" and "needed to lose some weight."  More denials from the Miss Jill camp.

The children have oddly been very quiet about the supposed rabbit food cuts.  Betsy, as seen in the picture to the left, closed the door to the "Pa Car House" and only requested "Up" after being confronted with the allegations.  Later on that day she took an extra serving of applesauce... this information later was leaked to the rabbits via Paul the Panda.
Mary Jane Cut in Budget Battle

Cookie Sue and Heidi Protest Together

Mary Jane has also been oddly quiet through this crisis.  According to some sources, the rabbits threw a carrot at her and cut her face.  While Mary Jane does deny this -- "Bunny outside" was all she could say about this -- it was seen by many bunnies that the carrots which were to go to the rabbits were ultimately stolen and eaten by Mary Jane and Betsy Jo.

The cruel irony of this whole mess is that Rabbit Liberation Day is on the horizon.  While many humans refer to this day as "Easter Sunday," the rabbits all know this is the day that rabbits will gain their independence from humans by their repeated acts of thumping.  The revolution may be brewing while Miss Jill and Mister John deny all potential revolts.

Mary Jane was finally quoted as saying about this situation, "One, two, three, four... five!"  Indeed.

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