Wednesday, June 30, 2010

LeBron Eve: Which Rabbit Will Be His Fan?

It's June 30 so everybody who follows the NBA knows three things: the Celtics are getting too old, the Clippers suck, and LeBron James is declaring his rabbit free agency tonight. Since he was drafted straight out of high school, he has allowed a rabbit in Akron by the name of Scruffy Andy to be his sole rabbit fan. Alas, that rabbit has since jumped onto the soccer bandwagon and picked some potty-named Kaka from Brazil. Really? Isn't that what bathroom bins are for?

Anyway, Cherry Bugg, Chip, and Root Beer Float are all still a part of the LeBron James sweepstakes. Chip might have the young cute thing going for him but LeBron wants a rabbit who will help root him to a title. Cherry Bugg definitely has more compunction for such an endeavor but she gets a little testy on road trips. Besides, most NBA players get to bed around 2 a.m. and that's when Cherry Bugg starts awaking from her daily slumber. I'm sure that King James would not approve of her hopping on his chest at 5 a.m. for a carrot. As for Root Beer Float, that's a wild card. It's true that RBF has plenty of money to throw around. She does afterall sell pictures of herself for up to $5 at most restaurants. If you ever go to a place who has a discount on Root Beer Floats, it's probably faked pics of hers. You can usually tell; in those pictures she has two full ears.

Oddly enough Ruby Jane, who did not join into the LeBron James sweepstakes, is a really big friend of Jay-Z, a good friend of LeBron. Ruby Jane has said that she will not use this friendship to influence him in any way, shape, or fur.

As for Mister John, he remains neutral as he is a Laker fan and roots for them just in time to start looting every June (every English teacher needs new shoes and video equipment). His friend, Scott Spencer, busts out Laker flags from April through June. He should have sold Laker vuvuzelas. Then again that might have been a war crime. But as we know, war crimes only get you two years of probation and 30 lost scholarships but am I bitter? (Actually, I feel vindicated.) Where was I anyway?

Oh yeah, ESPN. Anyway, Mister John and Connie have been watching ESPN since 9 p.m. (which is just past midnight on the East Coast) and they are awaiting the key phone call from LeBron as to if any of the three bunnies will be joining his entourage this season.

Rabbits do like a basketball player with mad hops, don't ya know.

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